How the Asgard Stole Christmas
by ChaosCarlos
Summary: AU. Freyr tries to deliver Nadya's Christmas list to Santa, but in the process discovers a possible darker secret to jolly old St. Nick. Second in the 'It Takes Two' series.


Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1 or any of it's characters.

Just decided to write out a little something that was mentioned in '_The Asgard's Honour_'.

* * *

Nadya Elliot, the two year, nine month old daughter of Lieutenant Jennifer Elliot and Captain Kevin Elliot was sitting on a small alien metallic chair onboard Freyr's Battlecruiser, '_The Valhalla_'. Of course Freyr had asked permission before he could teleport Nadya onboard his ship. The SGC Gateroom, her bedroom and her mother's lab were the only authorised teleportation sites he was allowed to take her from or return her to. He didn't want to cause the primitives on the planet below who are unaware of his true intentions going into a panic over something idiotic like an alien abduction. His people had stopped doing that after O'Neill had come flying through their stargate so many years ago.

It still amazed Freyr that this small creature was the saviour of his race, not that he didn't like her or anything, no, he loved the little girl to atoms. He just always imagined the answer to their genetic degradation would come from a more mature specimen, not the little girl who was currently playing tea party with two strange dolls and a member of the Asgard High Council.

"Nadya, what is the purpose of this...'_tea party_'?" He said this while staring into his cup of, well he didn't know what it was. It was purple and smelled faintly of some Tauri fruit he'd examined once, out of simple curiosity. The girl looked up from settling, _Yoda was it?_ back in it's seat. Her brow furrowed in concentration trying to translate what he'd said into something her infant mind could understand.

"We's gotsa be havin fun. And tea parties is fun!" Most humans would be astounded by the two year olds level of communication and comprehension, but not he or the other Asgard. They'd studied her DNA and discovered that her mothers natural intelligence was passed onto her daughter, combined with the small sample of Asgard DNA that was the missing link to enable the Asgard to create stable bodies capable of housing their vast knowledge and intelligence it resulted in Nadya accelerating to the comprehension level of a four or five year old in only two years.

"Indeed. Tell me Nadya, why was there a tree in your home?"

Nadya, frowned again. All the Asgard always talked funny, but she got the gist of what he meant.

"Santa comin'! He given _ALL_ the kids in da whole world prezz-ants. But me not writed him a letter tellin' hims whats I wants." She looked down at her hands. It was true, her parents hadn't had time to help her write a letter to Santa this year. Last year she'd been too little to remember, but she did remember a lot of funny coloured paper that she had fun stuffing in her mouth. Then she got an idea as only a two year old with the comprehensive abilities of a five year old could.

"Frar! Cans you finds Santa for me's? You can tells him dat I wants a pony, a new doll and a pretty t'ing I sawed on da telebision!" Freyr had no idea who this '_Santa_' person was, but if Nadya wanted him to find this being than find him he would. After all, there isn't a creature in this galaxy or his own who can hide from the Asgard. Just then an automated message announced '_visitation time elapsed_'. He'd set his ship's computer to inform him when Nadya needed to return home for her _nap_. But while she napped he would find this Santa and inform him of her gift choices.

"Very well Nadya, I will find this '_Santa_' for you and deliver your message to him." He moved over to a nearby console, tapping a few symbols and moving one of the stones. He teleported the dolls, tea set and the little pink table back to her bedroom. The metallic seat was something he'd designed and built for her use while on his ship, so that would be staying with him, he teleported that to his personal cargo bay.

"Goodbyes Frar!" She hugged the Asgard tightly, no matter how many times he experienced this hugging she enjoyed to bestow upon he and Thor, he couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable at the extreme physical closeness. He patted her back awkwardly and then she released him.

"Farewell Nadya. Please give your father my congratulations on his recent promotion. I will come visit you again soon." He turned back to the console, set the teleporter to transport her down on a time delay, she doesn't like the last thing she sees being his back as she left. He turned back towards her, they stood staring at each other for a moment and then she was gone.

His eyes focused on the spot she'd just teleported from for a second or two, then he turned back to the console and began contemplating how to find this '_Santa_'. Scanning the primitive satellite communication network he picked up a random channel and began watching. A human woman in a garish green and red knitted article of clothing suddenly appeared on his screen.

"..._that's right kiddies, only a week to ago until Santa Claus comes to visit you all and lay presents under your Christmas trees! Now Santa has been very busy this year making presents for all you good little boys and girls at his workshop in the North Pole. Then on Christmas Ev..._" Freyr's didn't need to hear anymore. He now had a location on this '_Santa Claus_'.

Repositioning his ship so he was above the planets northern pole he began scanning. Nothing. No human life signs, no workshop, no Santa. Perhaps the woman was mistaken, maybe he was not on the North Pole. He scanned the surrounding area and again, nothing. There were human settlements much further south, but he doubted he was there. Freyr looked at the ships chronometer, he needed to return to Orillia, there was a meeting of the High Council the next day and he could not afford to miss it. He would simply have to return the day after to continue his search.

* * *

"Hi sweetie, did you have fun with Freyr?" That was a stupid question, Jennifer Elliot knew that if Freyr had simply had her counting dead Replicator blocks she would have had fun, just as long as it was with Freyr.

"Yea momma. Frer sayed he find Santa fored me's and tells him whats I wants for Chrissimas." Jen frowned slightly, only remembering now that she and Kevin hadn't helped her write her letter to Santa like they'd promised, and it was far too late to send one to the company that replied to those letters now. Did she just say she'd asked Freyr to tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas!? She'd just had a terrifying thought of the Asgard teleporting a department store Santa up to his ship and interrogating him about what he was going to send to Nadya this year.

Naa, he'd never do that. He knows no one on Earth, not even Santa is supposed to know about the Asgard, apart from those at the SGC and the highest political and military members of certain countries.

"Well I'm not sure if Freyr will find him, after all Santa's workshop is suppost to be a secret place." She had to be careful here, this was a proverbial mine field she was walking into. One wrong word and she could shatter all her daughters Christmas dreams. "Anyway, Santa already knows what you want!"

"Weally!?" Jen nodded. "He knowed I wants a pony, a new doll and a pretty t'ing I sawed on da telebision?" Jen nodded again, but this time a little less sure of herself. '_a pony!?_' Sweet merciful god! Although she was still only a Lieutenant and Kevin recently promoted to Captain, they were fairly well off. The President had seen to that they'd gotten compensation for having a pregnancy thrust upon them while in the service of their country. Plus her parents where always ready to support her and especially Nadya. They loved her to pieces and couldn't ask for a more perfect grandchild. But a pony was expensive, far more expensive than what they could actually afford on the budget they'd set for this Christmas. Nope, no ponies this year. Unless they buy her a pony doll, or a rocking horse or something. That might work.

As for the new doll, she knew Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c had that covered. When she'd been born they'd both gotten her dolls. Bart Simpson from the Colonel and Yoda from Teal'c. For her first Christmas, just nine months after she was born they'd gotten her two more dolls, Homer and JarJar. Her first birthday, Nelson and Boba Fett. Second Christmas, Apu and an Ewok. Her second birthday, Mr Burns and Darth Vader. And now her third Christmas and Jen had complained to Sam and Dr Frasier that enough was enough. No more Simpson's or Star Wars dolls. Teal'c had complied right away, swearing to not buy her daughter another Star Wars doll that Christmas. O'Neill had taken longer to break, he'd finally relented and said he wouldn't buy her a Simpson doll, but she would get a doll.

And the pretty thing on TV...that could be anything. Nadya called a lot of things pretty, even General Hammond got called pretty sometimes. She was brought out of her thoughts when Nadya yawned. She'd had a busy day, not everyone got to have a tea party with a member of the Asgard High Council on his O'Neill-class Battlecruiser.

"Now, lets get you to bed for your nap, huh?" Nadya simply rubbed her eyes and nodded slightly. Then with that Jen picked up her daughter, dressed her in her Roswell Grey PJ's (_thank you Colonel O'Neill_) and put her under the covers of her bed. Kissing her little girl on the top of her head, she left to make supper. Nadya would wake up in a few hours, then eat something, play a little and then go fall asleep in her daddy's arms. That is if he gets back from his mission unscathed.

* * *

Freyr sat at his seat in the council chamber, not paying the least bit of attention to Heimdall going on about his research. They had the cure to their genetic problem, so why keep researching? Ah, right. Heimdall. He was placed on the planet in the Tauri home galaxy just to both keep his research from the replicators and ensure he remained as far away from any civilized system as possible. Then Osiris had shown up with a powerful enough ship to take on a Beliskner-class Battlecruiser. Now that the replicators had been destroyed, Heimdall was allowed to return to Ida with the preserved Asgard body to continue his research on a planet on the outer reaches of the their home galaxy, as far from Orillia as possible. But Eir, who for some unfathomable reason had a soft spot for Heimdall and always allowed him to project his hologram in the council chambers whenever he chose to _update_ the council on his recent findings, which was usually once a week. It was bad enough Rynkar kept gloating that his time dilation device was key to the final defeat of the replicators, even though they'd used his first one to speed up their evolution to human-form replicators. It pained Freyr to admit that it was the humans of Earth who were instrumental to the downfall of their enemies. But he had to admit the primitives had some good qualities, they did breed the savoir of their race after all.

Speaking of Nadya, he still had to find that '_Santa Claus_' person. His first scan of the her planet's northern pole revealed nothing. He'd planned on returning to Earth to continue his scans after the council meeting but Eir just had to let Heimdall prattle on about his recent findings. Freyr was not amused.

Thor noticed Freyr's complete disinterest in Heimdall's report, of course he was paying little attention to the eccentric scientist as well, but he wondered why Freyr seemed so much more incensed than usual. The Asgard Commander shrugged to himself, whatever it was it was Freyr's business not his, let another Asgard feel his ire should the unfortunate soul be foolish enough to bother the grumpy council member.

"_...and to conclude, I believe that with further time and research we will be able to ensure that in the future clones will not develop the severe genetic degradation that came close to rendering our species extinct._"

"Thank you Heimdall, please continue your work. We look forward to hearing from you again." Eir's soft hearted nature will get her in a serious bind one day, most probably with Loki, another outcast she's too soft hearted with. "I believe that is all today Penigal, however I would like to inquire with you Freyr. How is our saviour fairing these days, you are the last to have contact with her correct?"

"Indeed I was." Well at least they're talking about something Freyr's actually interested in now! "She seemed extremely well, however she was upset about a being on her world not being informed of what gifts she would like to receive for something called '_Christmas_'."

"Gifts?" Penigal blinked. "Do her family not provide enough for her?" The worry was obvious in his voice and the other council members murmured together for a few moments. "If so perhaps we should speak with the leader of their world."

"That is not the case, her family provide for her greatly. It seems to be a Tauri tradition that during a single night of the year, young children all over their world are given gifts by a being known only as '_Santa Claus_'. Nadya Elliot simply desired I find him and ensure that he is aware of her requests."

"Then you found the location of this '_Santa Claus_' and carried out her wishes?" Freyr suddenly had a great desire that this conversation had never been started, he did not want to say that he failed to discover this '_Santa_' even after learning of his general location and carefully scanning the entire northern pole with the sensors of '_The Valhalla_'.

"I did not." He may not have wanted to say it, but Freyr would sooner toss himself into a black hole than be branded a liar. "I discovered through the human's primitive satellite communication technology that this '_Santa Claus_' has a workshop of some kind located on the northern pole of the planet, however I was unable to find it." He looked thoughtful for a moment then continued. "The woman who reported it may have been mistaken, she did not seem to be in...the right frame of mind."

"I see." Penigal took a moment to think, then spoke again. "Continue your search, but perhaps you should expand it to include Earth's moon and the other planets in the system. We do not know if this '_Santa Claus_' may be some form of advanced being who has settled on Earth so as to offer gifts to the children of the Tauri. The ability to deliver gifts to millions, if not billions of children in a single night must be the work of an advanced race." That did not sit well with Freyr, if there was a being or beings on Earth that advanced then the Tauri were in violation of the Protected Planets Treaty.

"I will see to it immediately." With that Freyr teleported to his ship and instantly set course for Earth. This '_Santa Claus_' had a lot to answer for.

* * *

'_The Valhalla_' dropped out of hyperspace just three hundred-million kilometres from the moon, but soon the sub-light drives pushed the ship closer to its intended target. Sensors flared to life as the moon was bombarded with every scan imaginable to the Asgard. It took eight hours. Nothing. Next, Earth. Settling in orbit, the ships sensors sweep the planet for any trace of alien technology that could possibly reveal the location of this violator of treaties. Twelve hours later. Nothing. Even life-sign detectors only reveal six billion humans and one Jaffa. Moving on to the first planet in the system, Mercury. It took five hours to scan and nothing. And so it went. Venus, Mars, Jupiter and its moons. Even the Asteroid belt. Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. It took Freyr almost a week to complete the extensive scans. Every molecule of every planet, moon asteroid, meteor and even comets were scanned. Nothing. It was impossible! Only the Ancients were capable of hiding themselves this well from the Asgard, but they were all gone. What could be as advanced as that yet still, for all this time remained completely unknown to the Asgard!?

That was it. He wanted answers, and he was going to get them from the one human besides Nadya that the Asgard kept in contact with. O'Neill.

* * *

Colonel Jack O'Neill was bored out of his mind. He and General Hammond had been called to Washington for a meeting with the Joint Chiefs in the Pentagon. He'd already had his say, talking about the current situation with the Goa'uld in the wake of Anubis' death. The System Lords were regrouping. Some of the stronger ones claiming Anubis' old territories and hoping to scavenge what's left of his toys. Lucky for Earth and the rest of the galaxy Anubis was one extremely paranoid snake, he'd rigged all his most advanced, most powerful and important technology to go '_boom_' if anything ever happened to him. Just to spite the other Goa'uld who were hoping to get a little of what he had.

Now he had to listen to all the Generals drone on about the SGC's budget review, personnel reviews, research grants, Alpha, Beta and Gamma sites budget reviews, the cost of building more Prometheus-class ships or just scrapping them and moving on to the next generation of ships. God he was bored, if only something would happen to brighten up..._flash_

...his day? Well, be careful what you wish for O'Neill, it might come and bite you right on the ass.

"Thor?" An Asgard walked into the room, a deep scowl on its face. It wasn't Thor.

"O'Neill. You will tell me the location of the being known to your people as '_Santa Claus_'." O'Neill blinked for a few seconds and then...

"What?"

"I said, you will reveal the location of the being known as '_Santa Claus_' I know he is somewhere on your world, but his cloaking technology is impressive." Jack was still confused. What the hell do the Asgard want with jolly old St. Nick? And for that matter how the hell did they know about him?

"Who told you about Santa...uhh...who are you?"

"I am Freyr of the Asgard. Surely Nadya Elliot and her parents have informed you of me?" Ah, Freyr, of course. Not the jolliest of Asgard he'd ever met. Or the nicest.

"I take it Nadya told you about Santa Claus?" The Asgard nodded. "Might I ask why you want to know where he is?" Freyr, still scowling, hit a button on the console next to him.

"Tell me O'Neill, do you know what this is?" On the screen directly at the front of the bridge writing appeared. It was in English, and it was about something O'Neill knew about well enough, he'd been there to negotiate it with Thor and three System Lords.

"The Protected Planets Treaty." Freyr nodded. He then hit another button and the text changed to some different section, with huge words he could never begin to understand.

"This is paragraph 239, sub-section 4. It states; '_No technologically advanced being or beings with obvious access to said technologies capable of subverting the need for the Protected Planets Treaty may find permanent residence on the world in question. If the people of said world invited said being or beings to reside with them knowing full well that they possessed technology that could and would be intended for use to aid in the defence of their world, then said world is exempt from the Protected Planets Treaty._'" Freyr cocked his head and glared at O'Neill. "Cloaking technology of a level equal to the Ancients, qualifies as defence technology."

"What!?" Jack took a deep breath, calming himself so he could explain things. "Ok, Alright, well you see the things is... you're not gonna find Santa, cause he doesn't exist." Freyr blinked in surprise. At least Jack thought it was surprise.

"What do you mean '_he does not exist_'?" This was not amusing to the Asgard. "I have spent the last week scanning every molecule of your solar system looking for this being and you say _he does not exist_!?" It was true, the Tauri system was now the most heavily scanned star system in Asgard history.

It must have been a first for Jack, there was a vein throbbing on the Asgard's head. He'd never vein throbbed an Asgard before. Generals, Politicians, Kinsey, the Goa'uld and the Tok'ra, yes to all. But never an Asgard. It was kind of an achievement. However Freyr wasn't finished yet, and his voice just kept getting louder and louder as he made a list of offences.

"If he does not exist then why do you humans broadcast a message saying that he does, across your entire world. Why do you teach your children to write to him. Why invite doubt and false dreams to your young, when they realize the truth that you lied to them!?" Another first for Jack, he'd never had an Asgard raise his voice to him before. He better calm things down before Freyr decides to blow the North Pole up or something.

"Listen, they're just kids. Kids don't think like we adults do, they see the world in black and white. They don't see the shades of grey that you, me or every other adult notice when dealing with the universe at large. They're innocent, and we want to keep them that way for as long as possible. So we made up a story about a fat guy in a red suit, who flies in sled pulled by reindeer, carrying a never-ending sack of toys. Who cares. As long as they believe that a magical being puts gifts under their trees, they're happy." Jack wasn't ranting like Freyr had done, not that the Asgard would ever admit that he was ranting, but Jack didn't appreciate a race of beings who hadn't had any baby Asgards in over a thousand years telling him how to raise kids.

Freyr stared at O'Neill for a moment, the scowl still on his face. Muttered something in Asgard then stalked away, right out the door he'd come from. Jack was still slightly in shock and awe over the whole situation. At least he wasn't bored anymore.

"Uuuh, Freyr...how do I get ba..."_flash_

* * *

General George Hammond was in his office. He still couldn't quite believe the story O'Neill had told him the day before, about Freyr wanting to know the location of Santa Claus because he was in violation of the Protected Planet Treaty. He hadn't phoned the President yet. How do you tell your Commander in Chief that your alien allies came to accuse Santa of violating their treaty? He was still contemplating that fact as the stargate began dialling in. Hammond got up and headed for the control room. As he arrived the gate activated.

"Report. Why isn't the iris closed? Did we receive an IDC?"

"No IDC yet, sir. I don't know why it's open, sir." Just then the power went out. Hammond sighed. The Asgard. But he couldn't' be too careful.

"Defence teams on alert. We can't close the iris. But watch for friendlies." Just then two figures came through the stargate. Thor and Freyr. Just great, that's all he needed more drama from _the Santa hunter_.

"Greeting General Hammond. Freyr informed us of the...incident that transpired yesterday." Freyr shot Thor a murderous scowl. He did not appreciate being the laughing stock of the entire Asgard High Council. Hammond was about to respond until suddenly Freyr just had his say.

"I am here General Hammond, because Thor demanded I apologize to you for my actions. I however will not." Thor shot Freyr an incredulous look, obviously that wasn't what he was meant to say. "Furthermore I would like to take this opportunity to point out that your infantile race needs to begin teaching your children about the facts of life far more than they need fictional tales of magical begins delivering gifts to them in the middle of the night. If your people are ever to take their place as the fifth race, then you seriously need to start living up to the part instead of acting like a petulant, child like species." With that he turned, raised his hand, which was holding a white, glowing stone that activated the stargate and walked up to and through it.

Thor was left standing there, shocked and appalled that his fellow council member had said such a thing. He looked back towards Hammond, who was equally as shocked, but was clearly on his way towards outrage and anger. The Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet decided to make a hasty retreat while he still could.

"I apologise for Freyr General, if you will excuse me, I need to see to my duties." With that he briskly walked up the ramp to the still active stargate, waiting for him to enter and stepped through. The gate shut down and everyone was left in shocked silence. That is until Hammond finally found his voice.

"I need to make a phone call."

* * *

Two days later, after Hammond had phoned the President, who had collapsed off his chair from laughing so hard, he'd ordered Capt. Elliot and Lt. Elliot to his office. He explained to them how this all started with their daughters request and ordered them to tell her to _never_, _EVER_ ask Freyr to do something like that for her again. After both husband and wife had left the General's office and made it a safe distance beyond his hearing range, they both burst out laughing and went to find SG-1 to get Jack's version of events.

* * *

**Authors Notes:**

This was briefly mentioned in _'The Asgard's Honour_'. It was meant to stay as just a brief mention, but I couldn't leave it alone. I had to have a Freyr vs Santa story, it was just too good to pass up.

There might be more chaos to come with Nadya and her Asgard pals in the future, but for now enjoy Freyr's first taste of Christmas cheer!

As always please **R&R**.


End file.
